The fear that we talk about is the fear of rejection. This fear of rejection can grip us in everyday situations, like when talking with people or it can also happen if we are placed in some peculiar circumstances, for example, when we are giving an interview or we are being evaluated for our performance at the job. Either way, what we face is not only a genuine fear but it’s effects are also intensely crippling.
The consequences of fear of rejection can be seen not only in personal situations but also in professional settings because a need to belong and a desire to be valued is a fundamental human characteristic. Thus one can experience the fear of rejection in the form of an awkward feeling just before appearing in a job interview or as an uncomfortable emotion in personal relationship because a constant mistrust and doubt in themselves can easily turn the fear of rejection into a fear of feeling abandoned. And hence, it can easily guide a happy relationship to a painful end.
One of the worst outcomes of this fearful feeling appears in the form of a struggle to say ‘Yes’ to the situations where actually we wanted to say ‘No’. Even when we know that saying ‘Yes’ would make us overworked, overburdened and even feeling harassed on some occasion – just because of this fear of feeling rejected, we end up in such troublesome situations.
Because of this struggle, people end up in hurtful conditions in personal lives and it even drives people to burnouts at their work places. This happens because the incompleteness that we feel inside us forces us to search for inclusiveness from others and before we realize, this search turns into people-pleasing at the cost of our own happiness. So it makes people to live a fake, fabricated life that takes them further away from their true and real self.
And this fear of rejection also does not let us chase our visions and ideas because doing that would need us to place ourselves out of our comfort zones and how can one do that when this fear is paralyzing them? In those situations, clinging to their present situation seems secure and an idea of trying something new to help accomplish their potential becomes a daunting task. Worst of all, this fear makes people put their needs, their desires at the bottom of their list and they continue to live with an idea that their own wishes matter no more.
No doubt that this makes other people to change their behaviors towards the people who suffer from this insecurity. Not only some people start taking them for granted but their own fear of rejection make them more likely to be rejected. ‘Like attracts like’ adage proves to be right in this case because somehow when we feel afraid of being rejected, we seem to instill that feeling inside others to treat us in the similar manner. It also allows those kind of people to gather around us, who want to prey upon our insecurities. This only makes people more vulnerable than they already are.
As for solution, some simple psychological tips could help people to overcome this traumatic emotion.
- 1Face it and allow yourself to be vulnerable. This may be the best thing that could happen to a person because if one could continue to live with the caged emotions all their lives then it would be painful to deal with, at a later stage. Choosing to face it and allowing oneself to be vulnerable help to come out of this self-fashioned entrapment.
- 2Be positive - What you will focus upon now, will make all the difference. If things are not going well and if at that moment, you could stay positive then you are already making a difference.
- 3Rejection takes us closer to what we actually want. It could function as a wakeup call - We would otherwise keep running behind false dreams. Believe that you are stronger than what you otherwise think – this shall increase your capacity to cope.
- 4Keep the order right – feelings, thoughts, actions. We tend to jump upon correcting the actions before sorting out the feelings and therefore, a failure at the behavioural level is often misinterpreted as a failure of us as a person. Setting this order right would assist in finding a permanent solution to this travesty.
- 5See the rejection as an opportunity – something right, something new, something valuable may arise once you stop living a fake life.